delights of self-revelation
The Anchorite
Sacred Texts
“Say it, reader. Say the word ‘quest’ out loud. It is an extraordinary word, isn’t it? So small and yet so full of wonder, so full of hope.” -Kate DiCamillo The Tale of Despereaux
Sacred Text ONE:
Art & Fear
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by David Bayles & Ted Orland
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“Control, apparently, is not the answer. People who need certainty in their lives are less likely to make art that is risky, subversive, complicated, iffy, suggestive, or spontaneous. What’s really needed is nothing more than a broad sense of what you are looking for, some strategy for how to find it, and an overriding willingness to embrace mistakes and surprises along the way. Simply put- making art is chancy-- it doesn’t mix well with predictability. Uncertainty is the essential, inevitable and all-pervasive companion to your desire to make art. And tolerance for uncertainty is the prerequisite to succeeding.”​​​
Sacred Text two:
journal of a solitude
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by may sarton
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“Whatever people I take into my life I take in because they challenge me and I challenge them at the deepest level. Such relationships are rarely serene, but they are nourishing. As I wrote the above, Kot came to mind. He would have agreed perfectly with this statement, and as I opened an old journal, I came upon parts of his letters, copied out after his death. These two showed me what a friend he was:
You see, I am very fond of you and I should like you to possess all virtues, without a spot or a stain. You have millions of virtues, but you postpone their practice. Hence my preaching at you. But as you are not only a darling but a terribly wise being, you must listen to me seriously, although you are allowed to smile. (See what an inconsistent person I am, for the sake of your smile, I spoil my whole case.)... I want you to be aware of what you call your “steel,” and what I call your wisdom, all the time. I mean whatever mad or chaotic things you do, never forget that there is your ultimate wisdom that must keep you safe and whole…
Of course I shall be scolding you and be terribly severe… All of this out of very good and tender love for you.
Sacred Text three:
The Power of Now
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by eckhart tolle
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“Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold onto old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness…. If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, so much the better. You can then express your thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they occur, or as soon as a reaction comes up, so that you do not create a time gap in which an unexpressed or unacknowledged emotion or grievance can fester and grow. Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming. Listen to your partner in an open, non defensive way. Give your partner space for expressing himself or herself. Be present."
on friendship & judgment
by Lesley Gibson
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What is the proper way to sit in judgment of our friends?
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Don’t say that a good friend wouldn’t judge. You know that when your friend utters, “No judgment!” before you confess something borderline scandalous, judgment will happen regardless. It’s how we’re wired.
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But we love our friends, and that’s why we, like the Russian translator S.S. Koteliansky in his letter to poet May Sarton, desire them to “possess all virtues without a spot or a stain.” But I think there is a difference between wanting perfection from our friends and wanting them to be their best selves.
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I have a friend whose insecurities prompt her to pine for a man who will not commit to her.
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I have a friend who is terrified of her own body and sexuality.
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I have a friend whose identity is so entirely consumed by motherhood that I wonder what will happen when her children eventually assert their independence and leave her.
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I would never utter these thoughts unfiltered to my friends. Besides feeling too direct, these statements are absolute in nature and assume that what (in my judgment) are challenging situations in their lives are also permanent ones. They presuppose that there will be no growth or reflection prompting change. Is this the attitude of a good friend?
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I hear humor in Koteliansky’s, “You have millions of virtues, but you postpone their practice.” Goodness! Don’t we all? In fact, I feel as though this has been my primary way of functioning for the last three years! In that time, my struggles have made my friendships even more dear to me because of the people in my life who love me enough to, as Sarton says, “challenge me.” Those who recognize my humanity and patiently wait for my wisdom to “keep me safe and whole" as per Koteliansky.
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To me, that’s friendship.
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on Embracing Uncertainty
by Lesley Gibson
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My house has a secret. Shall I tell it?
Since I was little, I've been awful at containing exciting information- taunting my sister for weeks about the gift from the Christmas shop staged in our tiny Catholic school’s library.
“What color do you think it is?.... It’s pink!”
“Can you read it or write with it?.... Write!”
“What if it rhymed with Domingo???” And on.
Your hint: The British actress Sienna Miller has a Buckinghamshire country home with a bedroom papered in Maison C’s devilishly subversive “Coven” print...
That's right, you guessed it! I projected a large-scale copy of the naked lady tableau behind my tv- painting it as a many-breasted mural.
Why? The wallpaper is out of my price range, and my feminine urges demanded recognition.
I giggled in intermittent disbelief of my own boldness as a secretive, nefarious, naked lady meeting emerged on my wall over the course of a weekend.
While I painted, I wondered: Why were these ladies meeting? Who were they in their everyday lives? Was I wrecking my living room? I didn’t think so…
Jonah was furious.
“Mom! I don’t want to look at boobs every time I watch tv!”
“Are you sure? What if I let you name the ladies?”
I will admit that, at that point, I was a little nervous about what I had done. What if the naked ladies scared Jonah’s somewhat Type A girlfriend away?
What if people thought my impulsivity made me dangerous?
Then I remembered: it’s paint.
Two years have passed. The girlfriend is gone, and the naked ladies remain because we love them.
I think the redhead is named Ramona.
on love & salvation
by Lesley Gibson
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I know at least five women roughly my age who are single ladies. To be clear, for those of us who are divorced, there was no plan “b,” leaving the marriage wasn’t easy, and there was no person “b” waiting in the wings. And for my friends who were and are single, the goal is not necessarily marriage. We’ve all come to singlehood through various means, and here we are.
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When we look at dating apps, we feel mostly disheartened. Instead, we hold to the grocery store fantasy where someone brilliant, cute, and interesting also just happens to need avocados… Your eyes meet- AND… honestly, my fantasy ends there because if even that small sequence of events were to happen to me, it would make for one terrific month.
Instead, there was a Saturday and a Spaniard at the market downtown. He was gathering paella ingredients as he strode in my direction- sounds promising, right? Until he grasped my hand, asked me to close my eyes, and tell him if I believed in god! Then he called me "apple candy." He did make me laugh, and it was flattering to hear someone praise heaven for my existence- still, this boisterous behavior begged the question: how many candy apples does this guy caramelize in a weekend?
Most of The Power of Now is not about relationships; it’s about learning to be as present with yourself as possible- a challenge when someone is comparing you to carnival treats. Tolle argues that toggling between past and future mind only causes problems for us in the present; and, significantly, he specifies the problem of looking to another person as “salvation.” Anyone who has grown up on fairy tales, Disney princess movies, or, frankly, Sex and the City requires an unlearning of this myth.
Tolle argues that being stuck in old stories (mea culpa) causes “pain” and “confusion." So just as Liz Gilbert found relief from negative cycles via an Indian ashram, I hoped that my summer gig watering plants at Lowes could create similarly transcendent Eat, Pray, Love conditions for me. With my hose set to soaker, I was present and prepared to nourish... others. Yes, even Liz admittedly fixated on her relationship instead of mindfulness in the ashram and required a trip to Bali to learn from Ketut the medicine man.
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And so, some of my SINGLE LADY friends and I travel to Germany this fall! Alas, German guru Eckhart Tolle now resides in Canada. No matter. I will attempt pure presence again, and meet my salvation on a dance floor in Berlin with my hands up- praising my Self. And all the SINGLE LADIES, all the single ladies...
"I need no permission, did I mention? Don't pay him any attention.."
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